To Kill or Not to Kill

So I know everyone fantasizes at some point in their life about hurting someone else whether it be just mentally or physically. I have been having a reoccurring fantasy lately and that is that I keep dreaming about killing my boss with a box cutter.

So I have just transfered at my job to a store closer to where I live and it hasn't opened yet, therefore, we are currently getting it ready to open. Right now we have no manager. I am an assistant manager myself, but I'm not in charge. The woman in charge, Tara, is a super bitch from hell. Luckily she is only a coordinator to get the store ready to open and she'll be gone in a week. But honest truth, I have never in my life truly wanted to kill a person before, yet every time this woman walks by I giggle insanely at the thought of how I could slice and dice her with my box cutter. I almost had a heart attack a few days ago because she was standing with her back turned to me right next to me as I sat there opening box after box. My hands began to shake and I kept thinking all I have to do is jab......jab jab jab jab and jab some more, hahaha. But no, I didn't do it.

Really, fantasizing about killing her with the box cutter is about the only thing that makes me happy at work right now. The only reason I can come up with that this woman is such a bitch is this: She's ugly...I mean really ugly, and fat too. I bet she was made fun of real bad through all her years of growing up. So now that she is an adult and has authority over people she abuses it and treats everyone below her like crap because she's mad at the world. I bet I'm hitting the nail pretty close on the head with that.

Another thing that really irks me about her is that it's her job to get the store together and ready to open, yet all she does is sit there and spout out orders. Then when she actually does have to do something she just makes faces and huffs and puffs. I just want to slap her. I'm not the only one that notices all this. Plenty of other people have voiced their frustration about her to me. I'm seriously thinking about calling coorporate after she leaves and reporting her for being so rude and god awful at her job.

Now I'm not a violent person, in fact I have never physically hurt anyone in my life (well, not bad anyway) but I dunno....this woman just deserves something horrible to happen to her. No, I don't REALLY wish her dead...but I wouldn't mind if she temporarily choked on a jelly donut, hehe. :D

Heidi Fleiss and The Stud Farm

I just recently watched a documentary on HBO about Heidi Fleiss's newest project called The Stud Farm. Basically it's a male brothel for women to come to to pay men for sex. Quite the twist from the regular female brothel which men pay for. We'll see how successful this place is....if it EVER opens. Doesn't look like it's going to at this rate. I mean in the documentary itself she had been trying to open it for like 3 years.

I would totally go to The Stud Farm. Supposedly it costs $250 for one hour with the man of your choice. Not that I would have to pay for sex, but I would for this. I mean think about it....it's only $250 for total freedom to do with a hottie of your choice whatever you please. Plus you don't have to worry about the next day or any commitments or best of all STDs.

But I really didn't write this blog to talk about The Stud Farm, I wrote it to talk about Heidi Fleiss as a person. After watching that documentary I really feel for her. I mean I studied Psychology at a major University for 4 years and I can tell Heidi is a very lonely woman. She is scared to let herself become attached to anyone which is why she has fallen in love with all her pet birds. Animals love you unconditionally and never talk back. That's kind of how I feel. I know I love my dog more than I could ever love another person. I love her because she's non-judgmental and will always love me no matter what.

I just feel kind of bad for Heidi. I know I shouldn't cause she's super rich and all that but she seems so lonely and sad. I think I would probably like to be her friend. But that's me for you. I always befriend those in need because I enjoy helping people although it usually hurts me in the long run. Eh....oh well.

Christian Bale Arrested

So yeah, I know I'm like totally a week late on this one but I just found out that 34-year old Welsh born actor, Christian Bale, was arrested last week right before the premiere of The Dark Knight. He allegedly assaulted his 61 year old mother and 40 year old sister.

Now, Christian Bale is by far my favorite actor of all time. He absolutely consumes each of his characters and is just absolutely an enigma to watch on screen. Plus he's just so beautiful to look at. But besides all that I think about him, I truly believe in my heart that he didn't do the things that he was arrested for.

First off, regardless of some of the weird and crazy characters he plays on screen, in person, he is extremely laid back and very kind...from what I've seen of him anyway. He is known for going out of his way to make fans happy and to treat others well. He was never charged with anything and he denies all allegations.

Here's how I think it went. It was the night before the London premiere of the Dark Knight. Due to the death of Heath Ledger, this film has already been a huge anticipation. So mommy and sister Bale decide...."hey, we want some of that attention and hey, if we can get money out of it, that's great too. Let's say that Christian beat us up and maybe WE'LL get in the news and ruin this whole Batman thing! What a sight that would be!! Just think, Batman is arrested and not released in time to appear at premiere of The Dark Knight, ha ha ha!"

Now, that's probably a little harsh and not completely how it went down, but whatever. I would bet good money that he didn't actually do anything. Nothing to be arrested for anyway. I would believe that he may have been stressed and they were nagging him about something and so he snapped and yelled at them scaring them and so they got mad and decided he should pay for it. But I do not think he would ever lay a hand on his family. Let's hope I'm never proved wrong!

What's your Fetish?

So I've been feeling extremely sexual lately. Don't really know why. I started a new job recently and I think it's so funny but I've already had several guys ask me out and/or tell me I'm hot. There is this one guy, Jim, who is super hot who I'd love to just screw his brains out, but he's kind of an ass. Maybe that's why he turns me on. Naturally, the one guy who hasn't shown interest is the one I want. I always want what I can't have. Forbidden guys are so much hotter. Like I love nothing more than a guy with a girlfriend to want to fuck me. I love when I see a guy with his girlfriend and he sneaks peeks at me. I used to go out of my way to try and get my ex to have sex with me whenever he had a girlfriend. Always worked. Yeah, call me a bitch. I know it's a bitchy thing to do and I would never want it to happen to me. But at least I can acknowledge that I'm not perfect.

Anyway, I just finished watching the show Real Sex on HBO. Love that show. I mainly love it cause I have so many different fetishes and Real Sex is one of the only shows that really explores them all. Now don't get me wrong, I have only slept with 4 guys (although each guy I slept with many times). So I'm not promiscuous. But I do LOVE sex!!! I love "weird" sex. I say it's "weird" because by society's standards some of the things I like is considered to be "weird". I'm big into S&M. I'm a huge Sadist. Not so much a Masochist. I also really love latex. I also enjoy soft, sensuous sex. I love the human figure, male and female. Females I find beautiful but men I find beautiful and erotic. Yes, woman can turn me on, but not anywhere near like a man can. I love everything about a man's body. I love the shoulder, neck, and jaw area. I love to watch a man's shoulders as he leans over me in missionary position. Love to hold his muscular arms and feel his muscles move. I also really love the v's in front on a man where his hips are. You know how his hip bones and muscles make a v that goes down to his crotch. I love to kiss that area. I also really love a man's sides. I loooove kissing and licking and sucking on a man's sides. I love caressing a man's upper torso. Just so beautiful. Or their back. I even find a man's inner thighs super hot. Hell, I obviously love everything, haha. I'm also really intruiged by "pony play". No, I don't want to fuck a horse. But I would like to put a man in reins and treat him like a horse. Whip him and ride him. Bath him and groom him like a horse. Have him wear a bridal and he can't talk. I probably like this idea so much because of my sadistic side. You can read a bit more about pony play here: http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/pony_play.htm

But back to men and their bodies. I do a lot of photography and I have always wanted to find a male model with a beautiful body in which I can photograph....but it's a lot harder than you think. I have found guys who have great bodies and even ones who are willing to get naked in front of a camera; but they're all assholes, and I don't want to deal with an asshole in front of the camera. I also don't want to deal with a model who hits on me. I keep a strictly professional status with my models so it really bothers me (even if a model is hot) when they hit on me and/or simply don't keep the relationship professional. That is why I have yet to actually photograph a man nude. I would love to do a black and white with him standing in front of a white background. I would love to capture the silhouette of his body in different positions. I would have the lighting from the side as to only light up certain areas and certain muscles. Yeah, you probably could care less about this but being a photographer I have to think about all these things. Ooh....I just need to get laid I think (but not with one of my models, haha).

Enchanted

So I just got back from going over to my parents house where we watched the movie Enchanted. It's a cute movie but nothing I'd say anyone needs to see. Great kids movie, though.

But anyway I really needed to get out and I now feel much better....but the movie really got me thinking about love. I w a die-hard romantic and I'm very idealistic when it comes to love which has proven to be a very bad thing because love is rarely if ever perfect. But I just want a guy who I can fall head over heels in love with. Someone who blinds me of all else because of my love for him. A man that would do anything for me. But you just don't find that kind of love anymore.

I once was in love.....but that was a long time ago and a very messy story so I'm not even going to go into that. But that's the only time I've ever truly been in love. I mean I've told other guys I love them but the actual word "love" is used so carelessly all the time by everyone. It's what you feel that matters and how you show it. You can tell someone you love them everyday but it's your actions that will truly mean something.

I'm just sick of dating guys who really don't even try to go that extra mile for me. Why do I always get stuck with the assholes. I would be so thankful for a guy who actually fought for me, actually went out of his way to show me he cared. Where are all those men. Do they even exist anymore? Well whatever, I'm tired so I think I'm going to go to bed here soon. I have work at 9am tomorrow, yippee :(

Depression & Nighmares/Ioan Gruffudd

Have you ever woken up in the morning and you just wanted to cry. And I don't just mean cry a little but felt like pouring tears and curling up in a ball and dying. Yeah, that's how I feel right now.

I didn't have work today and so I slept until 6pm. I started out having really good dreams, I even remember them. Maybe that's why I'm so depressed. They started out great and progressively got worse and worse until they were just horrible. Not scary, just very realistic and sad.

Now I'm not generally a sad person. In fact, I'm usually fairly content. I hate feeling this way. Makes me understand why people kill themselves. Don't worry, I would never kill myself because I fear hell to much and I'm not sure whether people go to hell when they kill themselves. I have had a friend commit suicide so I try not to think that and I really don't for the most part, but I would never want to risk it. If I can't take 25 years of ups and downs how in the world would I be able to stand an eternity of downs.

But whatever, I'm now sitting here trying to get out of my slump by looking at pictures of Ioan Gruffudd. In case you don't know, he's the guy who plays Mr. Fantastic in the Fantastic 4 movies and he's gorgemous. Yes, I meant to spell it that way :P

Tom Cruise, oh my!

It sure is hard to believe that Tom Cruise is as old as he is. Besides the fact that he acts like a child most of the time and is a Scientologist, he just doesn't look his age. I mean the man turned 46 on the 2nd of this month. He looks friggin fabulous if you ask me. I just want to sit on his face. That's right, you read that right. I just want to fillet him up and cook him on a nice little platter and dance as I enjoy the yummy sexiness filling my tummy. No, I don't actually want to eat him, so don't worry....too much. But seriously, damn. Great, now I'm horny. That seems to becoming an exceedingly regular event for me. ;)

The Real Deal Diary

Hey guys. Since this is my first post I might as well tell you who I am. I'm a 25 female from Texas, born and raised. Due to the truthfulness of my blogs I will remain anonymous, but you can call me Snick. Also all names of friends and family members in any blogs will be changed. Other than that anything you read here is 100% truthful. Some things will be embarrassing, others will be about hidden secrets. You never know what I'll want to write about. But until I get going here you can catch up a little on me here http://www.myspace.com/the_real_deal_diary I don't have a ton of posts there by any means but from now on I will be blogging here! Hope you enjoy!!